Saturday, October 18, 2008

when bad is GOOD?...cinema

you know when you watch a movie and it's SOOOO BAD that's funny and then kind of entertaining. Well i'm watching a film on the Sci Fi channel (that ought to tell you something right there!) called Pterodactl. But more on this in a moment for i must digress for a bit. Bad movies are often the norm, and for one reason or another we graviatate to some of them. most often they're sequels of decent films, and i have my own bad films that i love...

1-the Omen 2. teenage damian!!...what more could you ask for? when i saw this in the movies (yes i'm THAT old) i was very dissapointed as i thought the Omen was awesome (yes i saw that film when it came out too, and YES i'm really THAT old). i mean you can see every character getting offed from a mile away so there's no shock to any of it. but after many viewings on t.v. i love this film, and will watch any part of it if it's on t.v. BUT then there's the omen 3!! and now we enter into a realm of luridly delecious and completely HORRENDOUS film making! staring the youngish Sam Neill (of Jurasic Park fame) as a grown up Damian. THIS MOVIE SUCKS SO MUCH, and is SO OFFENSIVE that again, it's quite good because like badly dubbed Shaw Bros Kung Fu flix, it's FUNNY. 1 word...the way Damian whines to a wooden jesus on a cross and calls him (that word) Nazzerine! Bad. VERY BAD. and ooooooh so funny.

2-The Substitute (only the bad sequels starring a hard up Treat Williams...#'s 2-4?). I love these films. He plays a smug ex vietnam (how original!!!) vet killer as a substitute high-school teacher, giving in school and after school wupass to unruly school bullies.

**there are toooooo many bad films that i like, so i'll just stop here.

but then there's Pterodactl. i'm not sure if anybody should see this movie. premiss: scientists (no known actors...and none with any talent) and their students discover Pterodactls on some island somewhere. ok, bad enough, but it gets better, i mean worse. the big name in this movie?: Coolio.
he's a bad ass (right?) soldier hunting down a Turkish terrorist (or something like that). But the soldiers he's with are assholes. um, something like that. and then there's a cute blond bimbo, a nerdy science geek or 3, and pathetic soldiers, and the ABSOLUTE WORST CGI stuff i've ever seen. Pterodactls thankfully kill most of the actors!!!! coolio dies in a blaze of glory, and the only 2 cool characters survive. lots of horrible acting. lots of horrible special effects. and the story ends with the hero kissing his girlfriend...and then pan to a whole new clutch of eggs and a big T Rex or something. THE END.

i watched this whole piece shit, just to confirm it's consistency of excremental greatness...and it was as i hoped. shitty to the end.
you could write a book about bad film making with this movie as the prototype for all time. study frame by frame, and there you have it! the blueprint for BAD film making. Thank you Sci Fi channel. thank you!!!!!!! *this was a made for tv movie. so i'm not sure if it deserves as much mention as i've given it?

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